Self-Confidence

Being uncomfortable makes me a real tough guy (as tough as a college girl with an avalanche of sweaters can be). If someone is shouting while I'm trying to sleep or smoking outside my window, I go out and tell them to stop. Frustration makes me self-confident and a little too headstrong.

I sent in my blood glucose data last week and I got an e-mail back from one of the doctors in the office. He wasn't my regular doctor. He was just one of the doctors that worked there. In my report, I mentioned that I was having high blood sugar after dinner. He told me to change my lunch insulin to carb ratio from 1:15 to 1:12 and my dinner ratio from 1:22 to 1:18.
I knew it was a bad idea, but he was a doctor so he must know more than I do.

I lasted with those ratios for two days.
Two days where I completely lost my mind.
I don't think I've ever lost it so quickly.
I was having trouble getting to classes because I was going so low.
"Stick it out, Elizabeth" I told myself. But my mom said, "Change your ratios back NOW."
Who can argue with that.

So, I sent them this e-mail:
Due to the dangerous lows I've been having, I'm going back to the original equation for lunch (1:15). It seems like 1:22 for dinner makes my blood sugar too high and 1:18 sends it too low, I'm going to take the middle route of 1:20 to see how that works. I tried to follow the advice I was given, but I'm two days in and I can't be dealing with lows during my classes.

What I wanted to say was:
Do you employ fruitcakes? Who thought this was a good idea? To drop from 1:22 to 1:18 for moderate highs is numb! I was able to manage my highs on my own with water and exercise and get to good numbers before bed most nights, I just didn't want to walk a mile before bed every night! Gosh!

But I didn't say that. Instead I was courteous and polite. I still felt rude. It was like I was saying "I'm going to do this now and I don't care what you think." But it's my diabetes, right?