4th Sunday of Lent

Who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born diabetic?
Neither he nor his parents sinned; it is so that the works of God may be made visible through him.

Of course, I am neither a man nor was I born diabetic, but you get the idea.
This was all I could think of at mass today. Why is there suffering in the world?
Innocent people are accused unjustly. Families struggle to make ends meet. Young people get an incurable disease.
I know of several adults who seem personally upset that I got diabetes.
So why did it happen? If no one wants this for me, why did I get diabetes?
Was it some wrong that I did?
Neither she nor her parents sinned; it is so that the works of God may be made visible through her.
That's all I hope to achieve.

I've Failed Lent

Lent has always been my favorite season. It always seemed so full of mystery to me as a child. I loved eating fish and the silence at the end of mass and going to stations of the cross. Stations of the cross especially. Every year, I would find a particular station that would speak to me and something tough I was going through.
Lent was a time of spiritual quiet. It was a time to look at myself critically and at the end, come to a decision.
But I think it's safe to say that I've failed Lent this year.
Every Friday I have forgotten not to eat meat. Hours after I would realize the huge mistake I had made. "But you're exempt! You have diabetes!" Both of those are true statements, but I can't help but feel like I failed. "Elizabeth, you have to put your Dexcom in every Friday. Of course you forgot about not eating meat. It's understandable."
These are all things I've told myself too. I just can't help but feel like I've lost some piece of me. I've lost the Lenten piece of me. There was a part of me that could gather up my past in a neat little package. There were the "Eras of Elizabeth". First was Rochester Elizabeth then Homeschooled Elizabeth then Middle School then High School. And each Elizabeth had something to learn and focus on and then accomplish. Middle School Elizabeth is still the Elizabeth that had the roughest time and learned the most. But this College Elizabeth has diabetes. College Elizabeth is going to have diabetes long after college. There's nothing to accomplish. There's nothing to get over. There is, however, going to be a lot more of this.
On one hand, it's kind of like Lent for the rest of my life. But then, where is the wonder in Lent? I enjoy a good doughnut now and then, but I would never want a doughnut every day.
I guess what this all comes down to is that I miss praying. The proper response would be "then pray more, ya idiot!" And I should.
I should.

Lent, T1D, and Jesus

I will admit that I've been angry about having diabetes. I'm angry because I had no choice in whether or not I got it. This disease has been out of my hands from the beginning.
And I've been angry at God. Well, not totally angry. Mostly just angry about these circumstances.
And as I've mused about my situation, I become more thankful for my faith.
I believe that God became a human being and suffered just the same as you or I. I mean, Jesus didn't have diabetes, but he did go hungry. Jesus wore a crown of thorns and I prick my fingers every day. Jesus bled and so do I. Suffering is a part of humanity.
As we continue into Lent, we should remember that we are not alone in our sufferings. We should strive for imitation of Jesus and look to the saints, our companions, for guidance.
Many blessings,
Elizabeth

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Am I going to start posting on a regular schedule again? Probably not until summer.
Am I super pumped about Lent? Yes, I am! It's my favorite season!
Am I disappointing you with a single post and then more silence? More than likely.