I've Failed Lent

Lent has always been my favorite season. It always seemed so full of mystery to me as a child. I loved eating fish and the silence at the end of mass and going to stations of the cross. Stations of the cross especially. Every year, I would find a particular station that would speak to me and something tough I was going through.
Lent was a time of spiritual quiet. It was a time to look at myself critically and at the end, come to a decision.
But I think it's safe to say that I've failed Lent this year.
Every Friday I have forgotten not to eat meat. Hours after I would realize the huge mistake I had made. "But you're exempt! You have diabetes!" Both of those are true statements, but I can't help but feel like I failed. "Elizabeth, you have to put your Dexcom in every Friday. Of course you forgot about not eating meat. It's understandable."
These are all things I've told myself too. I just can't help but feel like I've lost some piece of me. I've lost the Lenten piece of me. There was a part of me that could gather up my past in a neat little package. There were the "Eras of Elizabeth". First was Rochester Elizabeth then Homeschooled Elizabeth then Middle School then High School. And each Elizabeth had something to learn and focus on and then accomplish. Middle School Elizabeth is still the Elizabeth that had the roughest time and learned the most. But this College Elizabeth has diabetes. College Elizabeth is going to have diabetes long after college. There's nothing to accomplish. There's nothing to get over. There is, however, going to be a lot more of this.
On one hand, it's kind of like Lent for the rest of my life. But then, where is the wonder in Lent? I enjoy a good doughnut now and then, but I would never want a doughnut every day.
I guess what this all comes down to is that I miss praying. The proper response would be "then pray more, ya idiot!" And I should.
I should.