Paradigm Shift

I have now experienced a breakup. 

I will not lie and say I feel happy. It sucks. 

I cried in the middle of one of my classes. 

Usually, I segment my crying time to when I'm alone and when I can hide the fact that I'm crying.

But there I was, in front of a classroom of people, crying.
I was so surprised. I had cried by myself. I had talked to people. I thought I had gotten it all out. 

I thought I could talk about it intelligently. 

But I'm glad I cried. 

This whole classroom of girls was so supportive. 

I understood why girls in high school had groups. 

I also understood why girls in high school got so emotional over breakups. 

But I think I'm far enough away from the event to start talking about things. 

I like to analyze and work things out by writing about it, so that's what I'll do. 

It means hijacking this site, but I haven't posted anything diabetes-related in a while anyway. 

You'll be hearing from me soon

DIAGNOSAVERSARY

IT HAS BEEN OFFICIALLY A YEAR SINCE I GOT DIABETES
This is a pre-scheduled post so hopefully I haven't died yet.

This is a day to remember the crazy day being tossed from doctor's office to doctor's office with no clue what was wrong with me with the final stunning finale of shoving a needle in my leg!
The day that rocked my world.
July 14, 2016

Why I Love My OmniPod

I know this is going to sound like an ad, but I promise that OmniPod isn't paying me to say this.

I've noticed that I've started to affectionately rub the OmniPod and say things like "What a good OmniPod! You're so good! I love you so much!" 

There was only one thing that I was really worried about when it came to getting a pump; would it hurt? I have a Dexcom and there's always a 50/50 chance that it's gonna hurt. 

The OmniPod isn't like that at all!

I never have to see the needle. I don't have to physically put in a needle. Everything is automatic.

I tell the OmniPod "I'm ready for the needle". There are six soft clicks and one loud click (that startles me) and then it's done. It's sore for a little while, but the soreness fades. 

And a little soreness is nothing compared to what I had to deal with before. 

My pen shots tended to bruise but with only one "shot" every three days, my bruises have had time to heal. 

There's less work to be done before I eat a meal now. I'm looking forward to going back to college and actually eating a hot meal instead of a lukewarm one. 

Even though the OmniPod is visible, I feel like my diabetes isn't front and center anymore. I could go diabetic incognito for a while if I so chose. 

Of course, I'm still learning how to use this new gadget, but I'm already so emotionally attached to it. If I had to go back to pen shots tomorrow, I would be devastated. The OmniPod isn't invasive, it's virtually painless, and I've actually started to go back to doing the stuff I did before I got diagnosed. I've got several art projects in the works and I'm reading some books for fun. 

But I'm not being paid for this page-long OmniPod ad. I just really love my OmniPod.

I Got A Pump

I have had an OmniPod for a few weeks now and I highly recommend it. It was a struggle to get it though.
My insurance made it very difficult.
I was denied the first time. Then they wanted proof that I was diabetic. So I had a blood draw (which the insurance didn't even pay for) to prove that -surprise, surprise- I am diabetic.
*DING DING DING* Give a prize to that insurance company for making me pay to find out something we all already know!!
But I'm getting bitter and we still have more denial to go!
I decided that I wasn't going to fight to get a pump anymore so it was quite a shock when I got the second denial letter. I thought that the endo office was trying to get it for me still, but in the end, it wasn't them.

So I survive finals week and begin the summer. My mother and I visit the town my grandparents live in (since I'm working at their local library this summer) and we get lunch at this little cafe. I'm getting my pen needles out and my meter and I see this guy looking at me. I expect him to say something rude, but instead, he tells me that his daughter is T1D and that, by chance, the girl sitting behind me is also T1D. We start to chat and he tells me his daughter has an OmniPod and he insists that it's worth the fight. It would make your life so much easier. Afterward, my mom asks me whether or not I want to start fighting for the pump again. I told her, only if we get a new insurance.

We come home to a letter from OmniPod.
The last rejection.
You only get three rejections.

My pump was approved.
OmniPod had kept fighting the insurance company and they won.
They told me that I had been doing everything right and that I really did deserve to have this.
That I deserved to have it just a little bit easier.

Everyone I've met from OmniPod has been so sweet and understanding.
10/10 for customer service!
But I have even more good things to say about OmniPod! Keep an eye out for more blog posts!

4th Sunday of Lent

Who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born diabetic?
Neither he nor his parents sinned; it is so that the works of God may be made visible through him.

Of course, I am neither a man nor was I born diabetic, but you get the idea.
This was all I could think of at mass today. Why is there suffering in the world?
Innocent people are accused unjustly. Families struggle to make ends meet. Young people get an incurable disease.
I know of several adults who seem personally upset that I got diabetes.
So why did it happen? If no one wants this for me, why did I get diabetes?
Was it some wrong that I did?
Neither she nor her parents sinned; it is so that the works of God may be made visible through her.
That's all I hope to achieve.

I've Failed Lent

Lent has always been my favorite season. It always seemed so full of mystery to me as a child. I loved eating fish and the silence at the end of mass and going to stations of the cross. Stations of the cross especially. Every year, I would find a particular station that would speak to me and something tough I was going through.
Lent was a time of spiritual quiet. It was a time to look at myself critically and at the end, come to a decision.
But I think it's safe to say that I've failed Lent this year.
Every Friday I have forgotten not to eat meat. Hours after I would realize the huge mistake I had made. "But you're exempt! You have diabetes!" Both of those are true statements, but I can't help but feel like I failed. "Elizabeth, you have to put your Dexcom in every Friday. Of course you forgot about not eating meat. It's understandable."
These are all things I've told myself too. I just can't help but feel like I've lost some piece of me. I've lost the Lenten piece of me. There was a part of me that could gather up my past in a neat little package. There were the "Eras of Elizabeth". First was Rochester Elizabeth then Homeschooled Elizabeth then Middle School then High School. And each Elizabeth had something to learn and focus on and then accomplish. Middle School Elizabeth is still the Elizabeth that had the roughest time and learned the most. But this College Elizabeth has diabetes. College Elizabeth is going to have diabetes long after college. There's nothing to accomplish. There's nothing to get over. There is, however, going to be a lot more of this.
On one hand, it's kind of like Lent for the rest of my life. But then, where is the wonder in Lent? I enjoy a good doughnut now and then, but I would never want a doughnut every day.
I guess what this all comes down to is that I miss praying. The proper response would be "then pray more, ya idiot!" And I should.
I should.

Lent, T1D, and Jesus

I will admit that I've been angry about having diabetes. I'm angry because I had no choice in whether or not I got it. This disease has been out of my hands from the beginning.
And I've been angry at God. Well, not totally angry. Mostly just angry about these circumstances.
And as I've mused about my situation, I become more thankful for my faith.
I believe that God became a human being and suffered just the same as you or I. I mean, Jesus didn't have diabetes, but he did go hungry. Jesus wore a crown of thorns and I prick my fingers every day. Jesus bled and so do I. Suffering is a part of humanity.
As we continue into Lent, we should remember that we are not alone in our sufferings. We should strive for imitation of Jesus and look to the saints, our companions, for guidance.
Many blessings,
Elizabeth

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Am I going to start posting on a regular schedule again? Probably not until summer.
Am I super pumped about Lent? Yes, I am! It's my favorite season!
Am I disappointing you with a single post and then more silence? More than likely.